‘The Blessing Way’

‘Paperclip’
Cancerman: “What is this?”
Walter Skinner: “This is where you pucker up and kiss my ass.”

‘D.P.O.’

‘Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose’
Fox Mulder: “Mr. Yappi, read this thought.”
The Stupendous Yappi: “So’s your old man.”

Dana Scully: “How do I die?”
Clyde Bruckman: “You don’t.”

‘The List’
Fox Mulder: “Imagine if you could come back and take out five people who had caused you to suffer. Who would they be?”
Dana Scully: “I only get five?”
Mulder: “I remembered your birthday this year, didn’t I, Scully?”

‘2Shy’

‘The Walk’

‘Oubliette’

‘Nisei’

‘731’

‘Revelations’

‘War of the Corprophages’
Dana Scully: “Mulder, this town is insane!”
Fox Mulder: “Where are you?”
Scully: “I’m at a convenience store on the outskirts of…civilization.”

Sheriff: “How you doing? What are you doing?”
Fox Mulder: "Just sitting and thinking."
Sheriff: “Sitting and thinking? And talking on the phone? With who, your drug dealer?”

Sheriff: “Who was that?”
Fox Mulder: “My drug dealer.”

Fox Mulder: “I think you better get up here.”
Dana Scully: “What is it?”
Mulder: “It appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people.”
Scully: “I’m not gonna ask you if you said what I think you just said because I know it’s what you just said.”

Fox Mulder: “I met an entomologist, a Doctor Berenbaum, who agrees with your theory of an accidental importation of a new cockroach species.”
Dana Scully: “Did he give you any idea of how to catch them?”
Mulder: “No, but she did tell me everything else there is to know about insects.”
Scully: “She?”
Mulder: “Yeah. Did you know that the ancient Egyptians worshipped the scarab beetle and possibly erected the pyramids to honor them, which may just be giant symbolic dung heaps?”
Scully: “Did you know the inventor of the flush toilet was named Thomas Crapper?”

“Scully, what are you wearing?”
--Fox Mulder

Boy: “Try it. This stuff takes your mind and just sort of, you know, expands it.”
Girl: “Yeah, well, something tells me it’s more than my mind that you guys are interested in expanding.”

Dana Scully: “Her name is Bambi?”
Fox Mulder: “Yeah. Both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFOs are actually nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical airfields.”
Scully: “Her name is Bambi?”

Dana Scully: “Excuse me, do you sell road maps? Could you tell me where they are?”
Woman: “Come on, hurry up.”
Scully: “What’s going on here?”
Woman: “Haven’t you heard about the roaches? They’re devouring people whole. Everybody’s getting the hell out of here.”
Scully: “Have you seen any cockroaches yourself?”
Woman: “No, but they’re everywhere.”
Man: “Roaches aren’t attacking people, lady. They’re spreading the Ebola virus. Look, keep the change. We’re all going to be bleeding from our nipples.”
Scully: “All right, all right, listen up! I’m Agent Dana Scully from the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I am assuring you that you are not in any danger. Everything is going to be okay if you just calm down and start acting rationally. Now where the hell are those road maps?”

Fox Mulder: “I had a praying mantis epiphany. And, as a result, I screamed—not a girly scream, but the scream of someone being confronted by some before-unknown monster that had no right existing on the planet I inhabited. Did you ever notice how a praying mantis’ head resembles an alien’s head? The mysteries of the natural world were revealed to me that day, but instead of being astounded, I was…repulsed.”
Dana Scully: “Mulder, are you sure it wasn’t a girly scream?”

Fox Mulder: “Why is it following me?”
Dr. Ivanov: “It likes you.”

“Who died now?”
--Dana Scully

Dana Scully: “Mulder, you’re not thinking about trespassing onto government property again, are you? I know that you’ve done it in the past, but I don’t think that this case wards—”
Fox Mulder: “It’s too late. I’m already inside.”

“Anyone who thinks alien visitation will come not in the form of robots but of living beings with big eyes and grey skin has been brainwashed by too much science fiction.”
--Dr. Ivanov

“Smart is sexy. Well, think of it this way, Mulder. By the time there’s another invasion of artificially intelligent, dung eating, robotic probes from outer space, maybe their uber-children will have devised a way to save our planet.”
--Dana Scully

“You know, I never thought I’d say this to you, Scully…but you smell bad.”
--Fox Mulder

“You two ought to go home and get some rest. You look pooped.”
--Sheriff

‘Syzygy’
Dana Scully: “Let me guess. They told you about a wild beast entering in on a black mass. The drinking of blood, the sacrifice of an infant or a blond virgin.”
Angela White: “Yeah, that’s right. Excuse me.”
Scully: “Where’s she going?”
Fox Mulder: “You don’t suppose she’s a virgin, do you?”
Scully: “I doubt she’s even a blond.”

Dana Scully: “You ready?”
Fox Mulder: “You’re the driver. Uh, Scully, if I’m not mistaken, we’re gonna be taking a left up here. Uh, there’s an intersection up here, you’re gonna want to… You just ran a stop sign back there, Scully.”
Scully: “Shut up, Mulder.”
Mulder: “Sure. Fine. Whatever.”

Fox Mulder: “Go ahead.”
Dana Scully: “No, you go ahead.”
Mulder: “No, be my guest. I know how much you like snapping on the latex.”

“She tends to be rather rigid, but rigid in a wonderful way, not like she was today.”
--Fox Mulder (about Dana Scully)

Fox Mulder: “Will you let me drive?”
Dana Scully: “I’m driving—why do you always have to drive? Because you’re the guy? Because you’re the big macho man?”
Mulder: “No. I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals.”

Angela White: “Open the door.”
Fox Mulder: “You don’t want to go in there.”
White: “Excuse me.”
Dana Scully: “Gladly.”

‘Grotesque’

‘Piper Maru’
Dana Scully: “It’s a North American P-51 mustang.”
Wayne Morgan: “Yeah. It sure is.”
Fox Mulder: “I just got very turned on.”

‘Apocrypha’

‘Pusher’
Fox Mulder: “I think you drooled on me.”
Dana Scully: “Sorry.”
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‘Teso dos Bichos’
“It’s nice to meet someone who really believes in something, isn’t it?”
--Fox Mulder

‘Hell Money’
“What good is an interpreter when everyone speaks the language of silence?”
--Glen Chao

Dana Scully: “Do you know how much the human body is worth, Mulder?”
Fox Mulder: “Depends on the body.”

“How many dishes do you have to break before your boss tosses you in an oven?”
--Fox Mulder

“Looks like somebody was trying to get two burials for the price of one.”
--Fox Mulder

‘Jose Chung’s From Outer Space’
“Then there are those who care not about extraterrestrials, searching for meaning in other human beings. Rare or lucky are those who find it. For although we may not be alone in the universe, in our own separate ways on this planet, we are all…alone.”
--Jose Chung

Fox Mulder: “You can talk to the other AWOL pilot that was brought in with him.”
Officer: “Lieutenant Jack Shaeffer is also in your custody?”
Mulder: “That’s right. Yeah, he’s right down…here. Oh. He was here just a few minutes ago. I guess he’s still AWOL.”

“You ever flown a flying saucer? Afterwards, sex seems trite.”
--Lt. Jack Shaeffer

‘Avatar’

‘Quagmire’
Dana Scully: “Well, you slew the big white whale, Ahab.”
Fox Mulder: “Yeah, but I still don’t have that peg leg.”

“Poor Queequeg.”
--Dana Scully

Dana Scully: “What was that?”
Fox Mulder: “I don’t know, but it ain’t no duck.”

“Scully, are you coming onto me?”
--Fox Mulder
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Dana Scully: “We had a little problem with our boat.”
Fox Mulder: “Actually, it sank.”

“Living in the city, you forget a lot of things. You know, there you're always thinking about being mugged or getting hit by a car. It's not until you get back to nature until you realize everything's out to get you.”
--Dana Scully

‘Wetwired’
Fox Mulder: “Our blind date’s not off to a good start. I’ve been waiting here nearly two hours.”
Man: “I was asked to make sure you weren’t followed.”
Mulder: “It’s just you, me, and the drug dealers.”

“Just watched 36 hours of Bernard Shaw and Bobbie Batista. I’m about ready to kill somebody, too.”
--Fox Mulder

Fox Mulder: “They think they’ve found Scully.”
Frohike: “Is she okay?”
Mulder: “No, um…they think maybe I should come down and I.D. the body.”

Man: “This area’s always been known for its criminal element.”
Fox Mulder: “Especially when Congress is in session.”

Dana Scully: “There must be hundreds of videos here.”
Fox Mulder: “Anything good?”

Fox Mulder: “Mind control?”
Langly: “57 channels of it.”

Langly: “You know the way a television works?”
Fox Mulder: “Yeah. You click it on, you have a picture.”

Fox Mulder: “The naked lady in the ice cube.”
Frohike: “Ah! One of my personal favorites.”

‘Talitha Cumi’